Happy Mothers’ Day! Beyond the flowers, candy, and cards, it’s important to tell your mother “thank you.” This extends to your birth mother and to all who have nurtured and sustained you. Happy Mothers’ Day to all who help us to grow. Mothers who balance both a career and child-rearing take on quite a lot! It’s amazing that so many do so well in fulfilling both roles. We all owe mothers a debt of gratitude.
Mothers (and Fathers) have always had a difficult task, but today the demands on parents are so high as to seem almost impossible to fulfill. Since they are human, no mother is perfect. Every mother has somewhere along the line, in spite of all the love that is in her heart, been too tired or too ill-equipped to fulfill an ideal. And some mothers have been downright controlling or even abusive. Not everyone is fit to be a mother. And those in their charge have suffered.
On this Mothers’ Day, perhaps the best gift you can give your mother is really a gift to yourself: forgiveness. By letting go of bitterness and resentment, you not only forgive your mother but also free yourself. This is a gift much greater than any amount of flowers, candy, or cards. You can also give it to those who have died. Forgiveness is a wonderful gift to give on Mothers’ Day.
We have both a biological mother and also a spiritual mother. That mother is the Church, or in the traditional phrase “Holy Mother the Church.” As anyone who has listened to the news in the last several years knows, the Church has been far from a perfect mother. Sin is an all too prominent part of the Church on Earth. So it has been from the beginning (read the letters of St. Paul), and so it will be until the Lord comes again. The clergy sexual abuse, the financial malfeasance, and other scandals are disheartening and discouraging but also a reflection of our humanity. A wise old priest and former president of the Paulist Fathers once told me that when you see the Church doing stupid and cruel things it “is like seeing your mother drunk.”
What are we to do? No more than we can change the fact that we are our mothers’ child can we change the fact of our spiritual bond to the Church. Giving in to resentment will hurt ourselves as much as anyone else. Working to forgiveness frees us to grow as spiritually mature people. The Church needs reform. The Church needs to listen. We need to work for the protection of children and all people. We need bishops who are shepherds, not careerists. Fortunately, Pope Francis gets it and is appointing true shepherds.
And we also have our part to play. We also need, like adult children of alcoholics, to not collude in lies, but to take responsibility for our own actions. We benefit especially from opening our hearts to forgiveness. Being responsible, loving children of the Church is the best gift we can give our “Holy Mother the Church.”
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